A Bad Man in a Bad Place

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I should say, at the outset, that I’m not a Pickup Artist. I’ve been on the periphery of that community since I discovered it while blogging, but I am in no way a PUA. I’m not good at it, I don’t go out and “open sets” I don’t have a “wing” and I don’t “number close.” I’m a guy who likes to meet interesting women and play with them, which is similar, only different. Also, I don’t take money for talking about dating and this stuff, I’m not angling to start a business, and I don’t do trainings. I have friends in the Community, and I support those aspects of the Community that are helping men get together and talk about issues that were put down by the feminist movement or politically correct crap or for any other reason. Men haven’t at least in my generation, had Men’s Studies centers, for instance. I see the Community as a reaction to that.

I should also note that what works for me won’t necessarily work for you, and what I think works for me may not be what’s working for me. My looks (described by Girl as “pretty handsome” and by an ex as “not as good looking as he clearly thinks he is”) are an odd combination of masculine and soft. I have chest hair and limited body fat, but curly hair and soft eyes. I’ve cultivated this look over many years, picking clothing that makes me approachable and making sure that I keep my body language open and friendly. It helps that I’m articulate, clean, I dress well and comfortably, and I’ve got balls the size of church bells. I steal good lines, without shame, from comic books and science fiction. Also, that none of the interactions I have with women are outcome dependent. It’s why I set up Rejection Club. If I get shot down, it’s funny. If I don’t, I’m often surprised.

So when women approach me, it’s cowboys and vampires, every time. I’ve set up a situation where I seem soft and non-threatening, and instead it turns out that it’s me. When I approach women, I’m not fat, balding (bald is fine, balding is not, usually), looking like a scrub, or looking hungry. Interactions really are outcome independent most of the time, I just like playing and flirting with women.

Once approached, or after I’ve started talking to a woman on my own, I do a few things, but only one of them is really relevant here. I tell her about myself, just enough so I make clear I’m not a psycho hose beast. I ask her questions about herself - if she deflects them, I tell her that it’s not fair, and that she has me at a disadvantage, knowing more about me than I do about her. Some women prefer to remain a mystery. I let them. Others that want to tell me about themselves, I listen and pay attention.

A very short time, say 10-20 minutes into the conversation, there is touching. Debauchette’s comment was exactly right.

I don’t really need much in terms in flirtation. I like sincerity. Anything that feels disingenuous or practiced just makes me pull back and tune out. But if someone is genuine (about anything), it’s attractive to me, it catches my attention. And then if he gives some signal of interest, I take it seriously.

Touch can be good. Touch makes me think that he’s tactile and sexual.

And that’s the ball game. Touch goes from arm touching to a light touch on the small of the back, and if that’s accepted, to a touch of the of the upper back and stroking the back.

If I really feel like this could turn into something (something I’ve rarely felt in the last few years) I touch and then actively don’t touch at random, unpredictable intervals.

After that, you’re on your own, but you’re now in a position where she’s accepted you’re not a hose beast, is comfortable enough with you touching her, and is flirting with you. It’s clear that it’s on. Now be a man and figure it out. And hey, report back, too.

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