A Bad Man in a Bad Place

I think I have discovered a secret to making your cum taste better. Maybe it was just a secret to me, maybe it's a mystery for the ages. For the last many months, I've been surprised to hear women tell me that my cum tastes "sweet." Now, I'm not a smoker, but I'm a red meat eater, and that's one of the things that, traditionally at least, causes nasty tasting cum.

The secret, I believe, is in Starbucks.

I've been drinking their Peppermint Mocha for the last few months, and ever since I started, the women in my life have all commented that my cum tastes sweet, and alternatively, minty. How the peppermint gets from my stomach to my cum is a question I leave the organic chemists, I probably don't want to know. Hopefully, it's not simultaneously sterilizing me.

I have no scientific evidence for this. I may just be a sweet-cum factory. It may be something else entirely, but certainly these pieces fit together logically.

So, boys, I suggest you try this for a week and ask your girlfriends and wives about the taste. Ladies, I suggest you surprise your men with them at breakfast.

And of course, report back to me with your results.
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From one of my readers:

However, I have this one hot chick who I haven't quite fucked up with yet.  She's exactly the type that can easily turn me into a helpless AFC (pretty, elegant, understated) if I don't watch myself, but that's
beside the point.  The issue with this one is time, moreover my lack of time since I travel so much.

So far, I've only 1) met her in passing and got her number 2) met for drinks and then walked her home. That was about a week and a half ago.  I was able to maintain my cool for the most part but it was hard. She's 22, I'm 37.  I won't be able to meet her until next week.

Do you think I should give her a call between now and then or let her dangle.  I emailed her after drinks and she answered, but she didn't answer my last one where I just said "I'll be out of town.  See you next week."  What do you think?

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Had dinner with a friend at Prune last night. She told me about a failed date - no sparks - that called her up a few days later to ask her for lunch. She agreed, because the bar they'd gone to was dark, and maybe he was more attractive in the light.

But the more she thought about it, the weirder it got. Yes, they work near each other. Yes, she eats lunch regularly. But a second date as a lunch date? Very weird.

When asked, I told her that I thought lunch dates were for old lovers, not someone you haven't even taken home yet.
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This weather is driving me nuts. I hate snow. I hate the freezing weather. I hate that everything I own is wet, and that the water pipes in my apartment building froze again. Bah.

In other news, I found, via Erosblog, Carlf's Practical hints for men - handling a strong woman.

A strong man who wants to submit, usually needs someone extremely strong and dominant. However, a strong woman usually needs a man who is just a little bit stronger than she is.

Her dominating man needs to be strong enough to tame her but not so strong that she feels insignificant.

I think that's exactly backwards. I normally date type-a women (which is why, for example, BroadwayActress and The Jamaican never lasted). The more type-a the woman I've dated is, the more she wanted to be taken in hand and dominated. Or, perhaps, they just want to satisfy me, but again, I don't think that's it.

This shouldn't be so much of a revelation to me, right? Somehow, it just seems to be.
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Michele at A Small Victory asks: what do men want? Would we prefer a rail thin model bimbo to a more portly smarter girl?

There's a false dichotomy there - I've found that the smartest and well rounded women I know are also the hottest, but then, this is Manhattan.

I know that I have a type that I've developed through trial and error - 5'7 to 5'9, curvy, dark hair, preferably light eyes, latina ass, breasts (although how big doesn't really matter, so long as they're managable) and a good smile. This is not an exhaustive list, and exceptions will always be made. SouthernBelle is blonde and 5'6, for example.

I've dated the uberthin models before. It always felt like I was going to puncture the Jaguar, and I'm not that big. Mind you, there was something hella hot about the feeling of her muscles moving just under her skin as I lightly touched her, or held her sides while fucking her from behind. Sis and The Jaguar were both similarly situated - skinny as hell. I just wasn't down for that, it was too much.

I'm not saying that I dig on the thickset - I don't. There are a lot of women I won't go home with because, frankly, you're too big for me. But that range is somewhere around 185lbs, not 135 lbs. I'm only 155 myself, so too much more than that and we're veering into dangerous territory for me.

My best friend and I used to look at the models hanging out on 7th street, or those in SoHo, or at Cafe Gitane, and mutter to each other: Get a sandwich, woman.

I like a woman with soft squishy bits. I like it when she has a little bit of a belly, and when she's all fours and I'm fucking her from behind, I'm liable to rub it. Personal fetish. Women get weirded out by that and worry, while I think it's the sexiest thing going.

Different strokes, and all that. If you ask 10 guys what they like, you're liable to get 10 different answers.

The other important question for guys is: do you hold yourselves to the same standards you hold the women you want to date. The Liberal asked me that, and accused me of not doing it. So I started to - which is why I put on that last 20 lbs, and got myself into a semblance of shape.
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On his own blog, Santino asks:

What if I could date 4 women at the same time?

What if I could meet a woman and take her home with me 30 minutes later?

What if women were to compete for my time?

I find four women at once to be a logistical nightmare. I max out a three, for what it's worth, and I can only ever really get close to two. Usually it's two with one or two playmates on the side.

Why are you defining yourself by what you can do with women? That's putting your whole self in the palm of someone else's hand... if women don't find you appealing, then obviously you're not appealing? That's no good.

I think you'd be better served making sure that you're alright with yourself rather than waiting to figure out if any woman/women want to date you/fuck you/whatever.

When you're good with yourself, the rest of your life becomes way easier, and you become happier. When you accept your faults, flaws, and limitations and don't get upset with them, you're three quarters of the way there.

Getting your validation from outside yourself, whether it's self esteem courses you take in high school or whether that girl/boy you had your eyes on for so long, is a really bad plan. It puts your happiness in someone elses grasp. It gives them control over you. Other than Mistress Matisse's clients, are you (and this goes for all of you) someone who needs to put yourself through the torture of having someone else control you?

I say this with the knowledge that I have been on both sides of this equation - I've driven a woman mad by not validating her or giving her what she wanted, and I wrapped my whole life and self esteem into whether one girl would date me or not.

It took me many years to realize that what really mattered, what truly was gold, was my own perception of myself. Not how I thought I'd look with The Liberal on my arm, not The Cuban's opinion of me, not whether that cute girl at the end of the bar would go home with me that night.

Once I got that, the rest was easy. Self awareness and comfort with yourself are clutch. Comfort being alone translates to a lack of neediness which translates into your being open and available for something real, rather than just using someone else. Comfort being alone means that you can take or leave a situation, and walk if something turns ugly. It's very useful.

Not that just using someone else doesn't have its place, but I think you see where I'm going with this.

That's why, when people ask me "how do I get this girl" or "how do I get good with girls" I tell them to stop focusing on women and start focusing on themselves. Why do you need to "get good with girls?" Why not get right with yourself, which will make you more attractive in general?
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I had my long anticipated Biopsy on Friday. Painless, as expected, and the stitches come out in two weeks.

Sunday I had brunch with The Cuban at Agave. We had a conversation that seemed endless, excellent margaritas, and I got some closure. I was so happy I'd been - she still radiates happiness, but now I do, too. Instead of wanting to be with her, or worse yet, envying her, I was just happy to see her and glad things were going well.

Closure.

My other two muses (or is it fates?) are still to come - SouthernBelle is hard to get ahold of, and The Liberal, after cancelling our "date" last Wednesday, changed her Friendster profile to "in a relationship." Makes me a little stalkerish, I guess, to even know that, but I had a hunch that the reason she gave me, even if true, was not the heart of the matter.

Either way, one down, two to go in the closure-olympics. Or, with any luck, not closure at all, but picking back up where we left off.
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I am still soliciting a web design for http://www.badmanbadplace.com/. There is money available for the designer, price negotiable.
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Best Advertisement EVER.

(Opens in new window, and banner ads NSFW)
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GUBA: the Global Usenet Binary Archive. Search Usenet without the annoyance of figuring out how to use MT-Newswatcher.

An easy way to get all of your porn in one place.
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I've written some about approaching women, since I know from experience that it's difficult. You're pitting your self image against your own series of beliefs as to what someone else will think of you.

Yesterday, Santino Nero IM'd me, since I'd commented on one of his posts about not approaching. I gave him some rules and orders to follow for the night. He cold approached the hottest girl in a room, and a girl with a skateboard and heels. Go read about it and congratulate him in his comments!

I've had one other guy approach me for advice, since I've started making myself available on instant messenger, and we'll see how he's doing in a month.
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Drinking is funny.

I drank a lot tonight. This happens sometimes.

So far, the damage done?

Email to:
SouthernBelle
Tank Top Girl
Ex(?) Best Friend
The Buffalonian
A girl who I had a crush on in college but never gave a nickname to.

I went to a totally unmemorable party tonight, and ended up at Tribe afterwards. I'd planned to go home and go to bed, but life, sometimes, intervenes. A nightcap became three drinks, and after the second one... well,

They announced it. One of the longstanding bartenders there, the only woman that bartended there, is leaving. Tonight was her last night. I'll miss her. In addition to her being brilliant as eye candy, and an excellent bartender, it's the end of an era. She's been there forever- she saw the end of my relationship with The Evil One, my whole relationship with The Freshman, things with The Cuban, and on and on and on. I'll miss her.
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Buttercup commented:

I don't get off from blowjobs. I do however fake orgasms. It's too much work to teach men what I like and most men are not the best students. You guys don't listen. I guess that's why I have difficulties being faithful.

I know that I'm an aggressive guy in bed, and when I want something, I go for it. If I want a woman to be a certain way, I'll move her there. If I want her head back to expose her neck for kissing or a nibble, I'll pull her hair and her head will go the way I pull. If I want her to roll over, I'll roll her. That works for me, and I get what I want in bed.

What I don't understand is why people don't get what they want. I'm open, when a woman says "I want you to do X" to doing it (usually, although the pissing thing I'm still not down for) or if she takes my hand off of her breast and puts it on her clit... what's wrong with that?

Guys - are your egos so easily bruised by a woman who says you're not hitting her in just the right spot? None of us are Don Juan, or Casanova. Because of this, every one of us can stand to learn. I've asked many of the women I've been with to teach me how to properly fuck them, or touch them. Particularly, if I'm with someone and I'm getting limited results...

That Buttercup (and from an informal straw poll of my friends, she is FAR from alone) thinks that men are "too much work to teach" concerns me a little. That people still, in this day and age, fake orgasms is a little disturbing.

I mean, I've done it on nights when I just can't cum and want to go to sleep - whiskey or something stronger taking away the orgasm possibility. But not regularly, and not often because the woman/women in the bed with me can't get me off. When that happens, there's a simple "no, here, try this, I've seen it done before and it wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-righttherethatworks" thing.

I see teaching a man what he's doing wrong (and what he's doing right!) as a service to yourself, as well as a service to the rest of the world (if things between you don't work out, I mean...). It's not like there are hands-on classes (generally speaking) that any of us can go to, so it's up to us all, on a one on one basis, to teach each other what's what.
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Last night on IM I told Scarlett about a lover of mine who had been able to have orgasms just by sucking me off.

Scarlett refused to believe it, and told me that it was quite obvious the woman was lying.

When I told her that it had happened with more than one woman, she did the digital equivalent of shaking her head in pity at me, telling me that all women exaggerated about their men's prowess. Keeps his spirit up, don't ya know.

So - a few questions.

1) Have you ever heard of the blowjob orgasm? Outside the movie Deep Throat, obviously.

2) Do you lie to your lover about his or her prowess? Fake orgasms? Why in the living hell do you do that, rather than teaching him or her what feels good?

Discuss.
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According to the Gay-o-meter, I'm 73% gay.

This comes on the day when I'm wearing a lavendar wide-collared shirt under an eggplant cardigan, making me look like the world's gayest pimp.

What do they say about someone 73% gay?

"Women like you, don't they? Little do they know you're a wolf in sheep's clothing, ready to pounce!"
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I was talking to Wing the other night. He's met a woman that he likes, and he's having trouble determining what direction to take things.

Wing is, without a doubt, one of the greatest masters of picking up women that I've ever seen.

He and I lamented how, since we've gotten good at that type of fast-physical fast-action attraction, our relationship skills atrophied.

Food for thought for me.
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Was supposed to get drinks with The Liberal tonight. She found the set of my keys that I'd given her, and I found some of her things left over in my place.

She cancelled on me because she's sick, so we've postponed until next Wednesday.

I've been encouraged to go back to my old unfinished business, to see it once, and see what happens. And hopefully put it to rest. I did that with SouthernBelle a few months after we stopped seeing each other to less than favorable results.

I believe her exact words, upon my telling her that I'd like to actually date her rather than just being physical with her, were "you never made that clear to me. There was a window open there, but now it's closed." Which broke my heart a little, but was understandable, considering the way I'd treated her.

It's not fair to any of the women I've met since then that I've got a thick emotional wall between myself and them. I haven't really let anyone in since SouthernBelle, and she only scratched the surface.

I have a fear, you see, of letting someone in to my deepest darkest places, and having them look and either be disgusted, or disinterested, or disturbed. Happened with The Liberal. And my personality shifts when I find someone I really like, and it goes to a place I kind of hate. I don't think that would happen anymore, but it has in the past. It's hard to quantify, but I become the "yes, dear" guy. And I hate being that guy.

I saw The Fox on Sunday. She's living in New York now. Typical Cafe Charbon brunch followed by visit to the Museum of Natural History for the Frogs.

We were talking about her boyfriends, and the women I date, and I told her that I realized that I do, kinda, have a type. She's seen pictures of girls I've dated before, and she told me that it was pretty clear to her that my type was The Cuban, and that so many of the women since her look similar to her.

The Cuban fried my circuits, after a fashion. I was way out of my league when I was with her, and I suffered from a desire to _be_ her rather than be with her. She was smart, successful, and had made herself rich by hard work. She was beautiful, and she made herself that way through other hard work. For me, at that particular time in my life, it was a complete revelation. She opened my life up in ways I'd never dreamed of. Among other things, she was nice to me without being clingy, which was a novelty. She could take me or leave me as she pleased.

After I saw The Fox, I wondered if it was some weird form of PTSD that I was suffering, problems getting over a girl I didn't date for very long, but dated incredibly intensely. I don't know. But I do know that since her, when I see women than look like her, I strain a little bit to see if it's really her. It never is.

So I will see The Liberal next Wednesday, and The Cuban also made noises about getting drinks. SouthernBelle is a tougher nut to crack - she's been cold and distant for the last few months. I've emailed her and have been prodding her to reengage in conversation at least, but she seems less than pleased at the idea. We'll see what happens there.

In other news, I bought the issue of the magazine that Princess did underwear modelling in. She's so cool. Go Princess!
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