October 29, 2004

Best shameless Friendster message from

Best shameless Friendster message from a girl in the Phillipines EVER

hello i just saw ur profile at the gallery hope
we can be friends pls just add me my e-mail
id is >>> [Redacted]@yahoo.com by the
way im seeking for a nice, decent and
understanding guy hu is willing to help me,
coz im in need of help and it regards with
money, its for my coming enrollment coz if i
cant pay for it they might drop me and my
money here is not enough thats why im
looking for a very nice person here,,, hope
youll answer my mail i will be waitting for it...
About twice a day I get email from girls in either the Phillipines or Indonesia asking "can I be ur friend?" - no idea why from those two countries specifically, it's quite odd.
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October 27, 2004

I have been sick and

I have been sick and at work for three days now. My officemate evacuated and has been working elsewhere. My paralegals don't want to come see me. My voice sounds like shards of glass in a bag with molten gravel.

For that reason, and because this isn't going to abate for awhile (work and illness) I leave the comments open to you with the following two questions, answer as you want to, and I'll post some of them - how many partners are the most you've had at once? Lex, no need to answer... What's the strangest request a sex partner of yours has made?

The strangest one that comes to mind for me is the nice Catholic girl who wanted to get on her knees in front of me, confess her sins to me, and have me hit her upside the head with my cock to "absolve her."

Now you go.
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October 22, 2004

Years ago, when I was

Years ago, when I was young, I had a phone sex girl. She was a reader of my prior blog, and a reader of some of the hotter stories from my past. One night, when she popped on instant message, she told me that she was a phone sex operator. Having not done that in the past, I thought it might be interesting.

She talked me through countless orgasms, and I had a moment of pride thinking that she was coming home from a long day of phone sex so that I could get her off, and she could get me off. It was like guys who date strippers to prove something to themselves about their relative value, rather than dating them because they know and like them.

She always told me how much she wanted to suck my cock, and how great she was at it, and after one particularly hot session, she told me "fat girls love sucking cock - we get something in our mouth, and it's got almost no calories." I thought this was particularly odd. I hadn't pictured her as fat or thin, I had only listened to her voice.

She would later confess to me that she was fairly overweight, but that she was on a diet. At one point I offered to fuck her if she got down to my own weight. She liked that idea.

Lots of my friendsd told me that that was twisted - I shouldn't use sex with me as a motivator to someone I'd never met. I figured it was a pretty safe bet - either she'd lose the weight and we'd fuck, in which case, hey, great, another woman to fuck, or she'd lose the weight and decide that now that she was thin and gorgeous, she could do better than me.

Last night, we were IMing for the first time in a long time. She's lost nearly a hundred pounds. Her waist is smaller than mine. Her breasts are still huge (triple Ds) and her ass hasn't lost much of its plump character, but the weight came off everywhere else. She didn't have a picture to send me, but then, she rarely does. Her mental picture is still that she's fat, despite her actual weight. I told her that I'd been with women her size before, and she was surprised, but pleased, I think.

We got to talking about all of the things she's been doing with her most recent lover, since she's now thinner and more flexible. They sounded a lot like the things that I'd done with Princess. I was intrigued, and I considered inviting her to play. I wondered if she still loved sucking cock now that she was thinner. She said that she did, but that now that she was skinny, she wasn't sure she wanted to be with me. I laughed.

She wanted to know if I remembered the sound of her voice. I do, vaguely, but it's been years since we last spoke. She may have been suggesting that we do it again, but we didn't. By 12:30, she was drifting off to sleep, and I wasn't far behind. She signed off IM, and I went to sleep with a smile on my lips for the memory of a woman I'd never met.
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China to get its first

China to get its first Hooters

Good wings and women with big boobies for everyone!

(via Fark)
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October 21, 2004

Friday night, I was sitting

Friday night, I was sitting at Tribe with a guy who I used to drink with. We caught up on old times, old bartenders, the homeless guy who used to go there and drink with us, and my friend, well, he was roaring drunk.

I, on the other hand, wasn't.

After awhile, I got bored of his company, and turned my shoulder to him. He told me that he was going to go down the bar and "talk to thoze two pretty girlsh" who were sitting there.

I told him that was a great idea, since I had what I needed, which was a drink, and he was getting in the way of my staring into it.

He puttered down the bar, sidled up to them, and I presume he slurred out an hello.

Ten blissful minutes of peace later, he came back.

"So, I feel like I'm in middle school again, Bad."
"Yeah? Why?"
"Well, that girl? She wants to have your babies." I cocked an eyebrow, trying to remain cool. I thought about it a second and my other eyebrow joined the first. They wiggled around a bit, trying to process this and trying not to laugh.
"Really?"
"Yeah. She wants me to get you to talk to her." I shook my head, amused that he'd done the heavy lifting, and the universe was putting an opportunity on a silver platter for me.
"You know what? Tell her I'm gay. And I sleep with Lizards. And that I'm married."
His eyes nearly fell out. Here was a drunken guy who had just told another guy that a woman was indicating her interest, and the second guy was... what the hell _was_ the second guy doing? "In fact - tell her that, as your day job, you're a Chippendale, and you're just wearing that suit because you're tired of being treated like a piece of meat. Let me know how that works." His face was priceless. He went through shock, amusement, more shock, disbelief, more shock again, and then confusion. I clarified. "Tell them anything you want - nothing's going to happen - everyone here knows you, and they're not local. Give yourself the excuse to play."

At that point, I wasn't sure if I was giving him advice, or trying to convince myself to get out of the funk I've been in.

"They're talking to some other guy" he countered.
"Yeah, they're talking to your new best friend. He's the coolest guy you've ever met, like a little brother to you. Try that." More shock.
"I can't talk to them while he's talking to them."
"You can." I pushed him, physically, and pointed at the two girls.

And then walked out of the bar.
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October 17, 2004

I haven't been in a

I haven't been in a mood to post lately. Nothing to say, really. No dating going on for me, no "pickup" no women in my life.

I've been recentering myself (ok, recentering is a bit much, more like centering) and exploring myself. Picking old friendships out of the recycle bin, where I'd let them fester, as I was busy and self centered. Starting with French Kitty and RSD. Last night was a movie (Team America) with The Freshman, and then dinner with TaiChi.

Because I'm still not at the top of my game, instead of telling you more about me, I'm going to lean on someone else for her view.

Email from one of my readers:

Subject: You're Larry Underwood

Larry Underwood...a guy from The Stand.  That' s you honey.  Crazy.  You got mad potential.

I just get comfort from your drama.  Your writing gives me some sort of sick hope...like that American Splendor guy.

by the way, my Google search was "how to know when your man is bad."

Guess I know now.  Guess I know now.

I'm still not sure what that means.

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October 15, 2004

Dinner at WD-50 with French

Dinner at WD-50 with French Kitty. Talk about relationships. Talk about sex. Eat strange foods. Enjoy myself immensely. Wish the portions were bigger.

Day off today, walked around SoHo and NoLita. Subway up to the Upper West Side, visit the Time Warner mall. Check out the very cool and nerdy Samsung store. Art of Shaving for supplies. Got a new Badger Hair brush,

When I left The Art of Shaving, I was walking downstairs when a pretty Asian girl stopped me. "Hey, did you go to college with me?" When she named the college and told me that she'd graduated in 2002, I was both amused and shocked. Yes, we'd gone to the same college, but I'd graduated five years before her. Which means I'd've graduated before she got there. Stranger still, I didn't think I'd ever seen her in my life. After fifteen minutes of talking (people who go to our college are often very friendly to one another, it's sort of like a cult) her face lit up. "I've got it. Were you at reunion in 2002?" I was. She'd worked there. It was surprising that she recognized me after that. That was two years ago, and I spent most of the time visiting with friends, not flirting with the underclassmen. Either way, I gave her my card, since she said she wanted me to come to a Halloween party. We'll see if that pans out. I'm off my game enough that I have my doubts.

An hour at the Met. I envisioned times I'd been there with TheEvilOne, and The Phoenix. I missed those days. I missed my freedom. I missed being able to go to a museum in the middle of the afternoon, and just Zen out with the Chinese garden, or lose myself in the neoclassical garden.

Envy Lex's most recent post, both in the content, and the writing.
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October 13, 2004

I keep wanting to post

I keep wanting to post here that "I'm not dead yet" and just let you know that I'm alive.

I wanted to post the other day that I'd gone to Carnaval with RSD, and I'd gotten lime juice into several cuts, and when I asked him for a napkin, he pinned my hand to the bar and growled the lines Tyler Durden used on himself about vinegar, acid burns, and not going to my happy place. We had a big laugh over that one.

I wanted to write about seeing X and stalling out when I saw her.

And about having reality hit me square in the face about The Beauty leaving town.

And that the Ex-Best-Friend is suddenly back, and acting like nothing happened.

But I've been tired, and overwhelmed, and generally beaten down. I've been getting migraines, or at least really big headaches, and have been avoiding computers. I haven't been dating or picking up girls, I've been watching a lot of DVDs.

I haven't been to the gym in almost two months (and my trainer called to berate me about that) and I haven't been with a woman since I was with Princess.

What's funny is that I should be seeing this time as a resting and relaxing time, since I'm not doing much, but instead, it feels sort of like my head is going to explode. I'm the type who goes nuts if he lays on a beach too long. Enough of this, it's time to go seeking some fun.
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October 10, 2004

Had drinks with Ex-Best-Friends-Ex-Girlfriend on

Had drinks with Ex-Best-Friends-Ex-Girlfriend on Thursday night. She's a bartender at Kevin St. James, so I went there, since I was in the neighborhood, and had a few beers.

She's leaving New York. So is The Beauty. They're going separately. I don't think I've known the two of them when they were apart for more than a little while each.

The city won't be the same without them. They're two of my oldest friends - many of my friends came into my life when I was a shy law student, and when I threw off the shackles of my shyness, they self-selected out of my life. EBFEG and The Beauty were around for the whole thing - I was off being seduced by The Beauty when The Cuban sent her first email.

I'll miss them both.
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October 4, 2004

After some comments by readers

After some comments by readers pointed out that I was being unfair to Princess in the post "whatever happened to Princess," I deleted the post.

I spoke with her via IM today.
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October 3, 2004

Controversial AIDS vaccines are 'plausible'?|

Controversial AIDS vaccines are 'plausible'?| New Scientist:

A report detailing a controversial ?cure? for HIV, as well as a vaccine that prevents against infection with the virus, has been published in a leading scientific journal.

The 'cure', or therapeutic vaccine, was developed from the blood of HIV patients. It appeared to clear the deadly virus from 20 people with HIV, claims a report by Jeremiah Abalaka at the Medicrest Specialist Hospital in Gwagwalada, Abuja in Nigeria. A therapeutic vaccine aims to bolster the immune response of a person already infected with a disease, to reduce or stop progression.

Abalaka says his therapeutic vaccine also eliminated antibodies for hepatitis B and C virus from the blood of co-infected HIV-positive patients and improved symptoms of malaria in a handful of patients.
Abalaka, a general surgeon with training in immunology, has tested his cure on almost 4000 HIV positive patients over six years. He also used himself as a guinea pig for both the therapeutic and preventative vaccines.

(via: Warren)
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October 2, 2004

Mistress Matisse and some others

Mistress Matisse and some others have been reporting their funny search term hits, so I figured that, like any good blogger, I should do the same.

Oddest thing - the greatest number of hits I get from searches are for Bad, Man, and Place - and I've checked my referers, and a lot of you are searching Google for Bad Man Bad Place. Is this blog getting popular by word of mouth? Do you talk about me over drinks at bars "oh my god, there's the guy sex blogger out there living in Manhattan and sleeping with half the town, and he's brilliant and you have to read him and..." ok, that's just my Saturday Afternoon Fantasy. I assume.

(But if you _did_ hear about this site by word of mouth, I'd love to know about it...)

Also seen lately:
Sigh of a man who is infertile (That's not me, I was tested for fertility within the last year, actually, which is a story I don't want to go into. So why'd you bring it up? -Ed Good point...)

Groupie Blowjob (I think that should be for Rock Star Designer, or The Groupie. I've never gotten a blowjob from The Groupie...)

How do I know if he's interested (look down - do you see breasts? Is he straight? He's interested...)

She made her cum in the car (I don't know that I was there for that one, but damn, I wish I was... you must be mistaking me for Lex

And then there's the whole weird "blogger links to you" thing. The search engine/next blog thing at the top of this site leads to some weird results. Imagine being at this girl's page and ending up here? Or on a page that's not in English and ending up reading about Rough Blowjobs (another common Google term, you perverts) or a site about cats (considering all the pussy I talk about here isn't the same kind they're talking about...) No matter how you get here, though, I hope you enjoy your stay.

Come in! Look around! Comment on things! Use the trackback! Relax. Get comfortable. If you're a pretty girl, slip into something sexy, and... ok, I've stretched this as far as I'm willing to. Enjoy yourself around here, glad you've joined us.

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Go make a donation to

Go make a donation to the Boobiethon. I'll wait.

I was asked the other day about what parts of a woman I like best - as if you could break women down into their components and pick. I tried to get off easy with the honest yet avoiding answers of "her personality" and "her voice." Both of which are true, if prevaricating, answers.

For many years, I was an ass man. In my attic room in my parents house in high school, I remember having a giant poster of three women, knee deep in the ocean, wearing thoughts, with their asses protruding into the air, just begging to be fucked. The poster read "Jamaica: Rear Tropical Birds." I stared at that poster for years, yearning to grab those women by the hips and... at age 13 I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but it seemed like it would be a good idea. I stared into those asses extensively and often.

As I got older and started dating women, I discovered that, in fact, I was a callipygian fancier. Legs were nice, feet ok, but a beautiful face and a beautiful ass, well, I was a drooling idiot against that sort of onslaught.

Enter Princess. Princess had callipygian features. She had a beautiful face. But she had one thing that most of my other girlfriends didn't - a pair of perfect C-cup breasts. I hadn't seen such perfect breasts since I met The Freshman, and these were a little bigger, and so much fun to play with.

At a certain point while sleeping with Princess, maybe after our third or fourth date, I started to notice breasts. Everywhere. Women had them. All women! Everywhere I turned, breasts, breasts, breasts! Did anybody know about this? Someone should tell the CIA at least, and probably POTUS! There were breasts at every turn - on the bus, on the street, on the subway, at work, in museums. My god!!!

It's a thing of beauty.

Which brings me back to Boobiethon. As you already know, I support medical research, particularly when it has to do with sex.

So - Boobiethon is a great way for Bloggers and our readers to raise some money for a worthy cause - boobies. Well, breast cancer research, but nothing ruins a beautiful pair of tits quick like a mastectomy. So let's raise some money to try to find alternate cures, and beat Boobie Cancer once and for all.

Also: click here to fund a free mammogram. Won't you please think of the boobies?

UPDATE: I donated $100 to the Komen Foundation. How much can you give?
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Over at Just One Bite,

Over at Just One Bite, Eden says:

I should admit that sometimes, especially when I'm in a Dirty Whore mood, I don't want an orgasm. I want to be fucked hard and I want to suck cock. That's it. My pleasure comes from the adrenaline rush and the memory relived when I masturbate later. I have a recurring fantasy of having at least one local man who makes appointments to come to my house in the evening. When he arrives, we don't talk. I drop to my knees in the foyer, suck his cock until it's hard, turn around while he slips on a condom, then bend over an armchair while he fucks me roughly. He yanks my hair and slaps my ass while he thrusts, then cums hard. When he's done, he hands me the condom, zips up, and leaves. I would get myself off later thinking of the emotions of the encounter wrapped up with the physical sensations, and it would be very satisfying. I looked around for some likely candidates a while ago, but got annoyed when no one believed my offer of no strings, no hassle, on call pussy was genuine.
First off, let me start by offering to take her up on that offer - Eden, I'll be happy to have you as my on call pussy.

Having said that, I think the reason that men don't take her up on that (if I may be so bold as to think for other men) is that we've been burned by offers like that. The closest I came was The Jaguar, who wanted a sex only relationship until she saw I wasn't falling for her, and then, in the middle of sex one night, she blurted out that she loved me.

Similarly, SouthernBelle and I had a sex only thing, but then I got attached, and she didn't. And it wasn't only sex. We also went out together some.

The Buffalonian? Same deal, only she got more attached than I did. And on and on and on.

The only one that ever stayed entirely sex was Princess, and that worked very well while it worked. I miss that.

The heart is a fickle creature.

Mind you - I have no doubt that Eden is the real deal, which is why I offer. I just think that the reason she has trouble finding a guy to come over, stuff her mouth and then stuff her cunt is that either the guys she knows are too chicken, they don't believe her, or they've been burned.
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October 1, 2004

After work last night, at

After work last night, at around 12, I found myself on St. Marks and First ave with TaiChi after a quick drink.

As we walked to get the traditional post-drinking-Schwarma from Chickpea, we bumped into Wing, whom I haven't seen since Pussy was a Kitten, and some friend of his.

TaiChi was off amusing himself with something (a lightpost? A tree? A street sign? It's hazy) when I saw Wing and yelled out "Hey! What's up man?"
Wing laughed at that, since he'd called me three minutes earlier. Oddly, I didn't have my cell phone (left it at home, as is polite when you're going out with a friend) and he showed me on his phone that he'd just IM'd me.

TaiChi, of course, had never met Wing, and didn't know who the two guys were who were suddenly in my space. Wing's friend didn't know me, and this scene suddenly had the makings of a bad John Woo movie. When TaiChi heard that we were talking, he immediately got into a bit of a defensive mode, not knowing who they were, and asked "hey guys, what's up" in a tone that suggested less fun and more "who goes there?"

I defused the situation quickly, of course, since we're all friends here. It was odd - watching my most natural friend meet the one guy I know who is an incredibly well studied approaching machine. Neither knew who the other was, only had heard of them by reputation.

By the end, Wing mentioned to me that he'd put me on the list for a party on Sunday which was usually that great combination of hot people and cool times that makes me start singing the McDLT commerical in my head... (Hot... so hot... cool... so cool...)

Ok, it's a little strange inside my head sometimes.

Anyway, that's two things to do for Sunday - Wing's party, and going back to talk to X and see if she remembers me in person. I didn't give her much of a chance or the old college try when I called her, probably to her disappointment. I'll try again on Sunday, assuming I get out of the other party.

The best parties in New York all seem to happen on Sunday nights. I need a Tuesday through Saturday job.
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